This huge ole house - Part 2

This really has nothing to do with this house, just kind of a continuation of my last post.  My dad is really my reason for this post.  I NEED HELP!!!!  He has no idea what he is doing, where he is to be, who has been to his house.  He does not do anything at the house.  Last week we spent two whole days cleaning his house from top to bottom.  We spent two whole days roofing a shed.  Not to count the 4 days we put into making doors and making it so critters could not get into it.  If someone asks, did they finish the shed? he looks at me and says did you finish the shed?  I am his enabler, and as much as I want to stop, I.Can.Not!!!!

My week went like this.  Friday cleaned his house.  Saturday met him at Hardees for breakfast.  Sunday had him over for dinner.  Monday went back and finished cleaning his house.  Tuesday worked on his shed roof, had him for dinner and took him to country music at the Senior Center.  Wednesday worked on his shed roof and took him to the Dr.  Thursday had him for dinner and took him to the eye Dr.  Friday just called and made sure was fine twice that day.  And my weeks continue one right after another in the same way.  I am exhausted.  I can't sleep.  I cry.  It's all I can think of, is he okay, is he in trouble, does he need help?

Now my dad has a new thing.  He has a gun safe - and that was the best place to keep his money.  He had what he called Emergency Money in that safe to the tune of $3500.  GONE!!!  He kept it there for years and had it in a special box with envelopes labeled.  It disappeared.  He says he hid it.  Then he gets more money and about $700 of that disappeared, he said he hid it.  Then he gets more money and $800 of that disappeared, he said he hid it. Had a stack of $1, at least $150 that is now gone.  So today I am very nervous as I am going over with the intent to change the money situation.  I am going to suggest that I pay all the bills, keep gas in the truck and get whatever he needs and pay for it.  Who knows if he is hiding it, or someone is borrowing it, (which I know who that would be, a friend that also has Alzheimers), or something else.

On my last post I said how I would like to move to WV or the country up here.  I was asked "What would make me happy?"  While allot of things would make me happy, in my heart, mind and soul I cannot go with what would make me happy.  I feel as if I am totally responsible for my dad on my own.  He needs guidance as a child needs guidance.  He needs help as a child needs help.  I am an enabler and I do not know how to stop.  I started this post this morning, since then I have been to my dad's.  We still can not find the $5,200 or whatever the exact amount is.  The bank feels I should go to court and become his Fiduciary.  But I don't want to start anything that may get the county or state involved in his life just yet.  You never know what they will say or do.

If you are caring for a Alzheimers patient or have a sibling or relative that does all the caregiving, please take time to check in with them every now and then.  Let them know you care about what is happening to your parent and they are not all alone in this endeavor.

If you have some free time, call the caregiver and see if there is anything they could use help with - like home improvements, etc.  It's not always the caregiver and spouse's place to do everything.

Call the caregiver and offer to give them a "day off or two a week".  I have to make contact with my dad everyday - whether by phone, meeting for breakfast, having him for dinner, or going to his house.  I never let two days go by that I don't see him in person.  But when you offer something - please follow up on it.  Allot can happen in two days to an Alzheimers patient.  Vacation at our house is not a possibility.  I have only been to WV in over 2 years with my dad in tow every time.  That is not a vacation.  It is a workcation.  I would love to go to Kentucky to the Corvette Museum, Hawaii for a week, South Carolina to drive a race car.

As I think of Christmas presents for my dad, I also have a couple ideas for Alzheimer's patients.  My dad has found gift certificates from 2004 for Hardees.  He really struggles with Gift certificates for anything now.  But these certificates are 9 years old, and the lady at Hardees has been accepting them even though the expiration date is 2004.  They need nothing really.  But I spend allot of time with him and I listen to his "wants" and some are really a good idea.  He does not go shopping at all.  I buy almost everything he needs except he does go grocery shopping some, but he doesn't really cook.  Like his trip to the grocery store this last time consisted of two packages of two different kinds of hot dogs.  No buns and he only eats hot dogs with homemade chili on a bun.  Two different kinds of cheese.  He said he didn't know what kind the one was, but it sure was hot.  One gallon of some juice drink.  That's all I seen.  It would take him forever to eat 16 hot dogs.  He isn't that fond of them and neither am I.

I really don't know what I would do without Kevin's help.  He is all the help I have.  I know I get so upset sometimes about my dad and am crying others, but he helps me cope to the best of my ability.  If I mention my dad needs help - he is the first to say let's go up.  We have been working on our "getting ready for winter" projects.  And today he said we need to go up and do your dad's leaves.  I really think if you cannot do anything at your house - you should not be living in that house.  Really we have 2 of our own houses to take care of (here and WV) and then we do everything at my dad's house.  At least my dad used to do all the outside work, but now he doesn't even do that.  How do you get him to move and realize the work he is putting on us.  I think when my mother died we may of been able to get him to move with us, but others were against it.  WHY????  I don't understand.  Now I am left alone to deal with it on my own.  No phone calls with offers of help or just letting me know they care or making sure I don't need any help.  I am so saddened by the chain of events in this situation.

I used to tease my sister in law - that when my parents got old - she got my dad and I would get my mom.  But I can still make my dad laugh and we get along great most of the time.  We go to WV together, and he is so dependent on us I don't know how he survives on his own at home.  We get a few chuckles at his expense, which laughing is so much better than crying.  It's about deer season and that is all he talks about again.  POOR KEVIN!!!!

So everyday I wonder, will something happen today to my dad to make the situation an emergency situation that he will have to get out of that house.  Sometimes I find myself wishing it - not in a bad way - but in a safe way.  Probably being selfish to make my life what I think would be easier.