Happy New Year!!! My mother always said two things about Christmas/New Years. Always leave your tree up till New Years or you will have bad luck. What you do on New Years you will do all year long. So today I am going to check out the last one. I plan to write a blog post, read a chapter in my book, get out a dresser scarf I started years ago and try to pick up where I left off, and make Kevin a homemade pizza. When I started this blog, I was hoping it would be at least a weekly thing. But that isn't happening. It's been a long time since I wrote a post. I was thinking maybe my posts seemed more like complaining than just sharing and giving others a look into Alzheimers. But I've got a little more to share than that today.
First, I'd like to say that 120 is the new 110. For years I weighed 110. Now since last winter its been 120. So now I will have to accept that. Nothing seems to help me lose. Maybe a new medicine. But I still can fit into my clothes, so it must of distributed evenly throughout - or maybe I am in denial.
We haven't been to WV as much this year as usual. Our first trip was Memorial Day. We did stay 6 or 7 days at that time. My dad did pretty well. Its a struggle doing the things he wants us to do, when he wants us to do them, how he wants us to do them. We can show him in the tractor manual how its supposed to be, but the manual is wrong. You need to fill that transmission fluid to the top. NOT!!! So we pretend to fill it up, and hurriedly put the cap on. I always try to avoid confrontation with him.
Second trip down - I decided to go introduce myself to the lady next door with the COON/BEAR dogs - the LOUD, BARKING FOR HOURS, MORNING, NOON, NIGHT AND MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT DOGS. Well she was rather rude and before I could barely tell her my name - she got all mean, cause she knew her dogs were a problem. She basically told me to get off her property, which isn't her property at all. Her dogs are not even on her own property. Anyway, waste of my time. She informed me that's what people from WV do - let their dogs bark all the time. Now being born there, living/visiting/owning property there for 60 years now, I personally know that is not what WV people do.
On our second trip down, I was becoming more concerned with my dad and his walking off. So the first morning, he gets up and is gone before I can actually make it to the door. So we get things ready for breakfast, wait, look up and down the road, wait some more, and decide we should get in the car and hunt for him. We find him on the guard rail sitting down the road "waiting for us to come get him". Shaking my head laughing - that was our morning ritual. Get up and go get him. But one time during the day we lost him. We have to make sure we know which way he goes in case he doesn't come back. So I considered it a good trip that we only lost him once. He also was becoming more disoriented down there. Can't find the bathroom in the middle of the night, can't find his bedroom, taking a shower is almost hilarious. I always say I will get your stuff ready. So I take everything in the bathroom and lay it down and take him in and explain to him everything. We have a bottle of shampoo down there, so no need to bring any. He comes out and says where is my shampoo. I showed him where ours was just a minute ago. So he is in there a few more minutes and comes out again, where is my shampoo. I finally tell him he has no hair, he doesn't need shampoo anymore. He said oh, okay.
We had been going to WV allot more. But this year we only made it 4 times. We also started mowing our own lawn. It's not as pretty as when our guy done it. But its fine. I still love WV and am sad that we cannot go down more than that. The tractor ran really well this year. And Kevin got the rider deck fixed (that I had tore up in 2013) and we were able to use that this year. Always something broke. Weed eaters are trying Kevin's patience down there. Always have two or three down there, and always bring at least one home to fix each time to take back.
During last winter as the days get shorter my dad was "harder to handle". This year it seems as soon as we lost an hour of daylight - he started again. Last year, I had second degree burns on my arm starting a fire with gasoline. Allot of stupidity and allot of what I thought was Kerosene. Well my dad had taken my arm story - made it his arm story and added Kevin threw him in the fire. Then he said Kevin threw him over the hill. Poor Kevin also stoled his Checkbook just for spite. His neighbor died (with that he had everyone in an uproar from neighbors to WV). Everyday it was a new story. Well finally someone told me he was saying that - which is kind of important I know. He is so convincing when he tells these stories. He was crying when he told me his neighbor died - so I thought for sure she did. After two phones calls from WV and his neighbor I knew it was made up. OH MY GOODNESS..... Now this year, he is back to Kevin throwing him in the fire, and the neighbor dying. I have informed everyone concerned that if he tells you the neighbor died - she did not.
I try to see humor in some stuff and try not to react and make the best of it. But now its me doing things in his mind. A couple months ago, I stoled all his underwear. He called me one day and wanted to know what I did with it. I tried to explain where it was. He didn't understand dirty clothes or dresser. Then the next day called again and accused me of stealing it. I offered to go buy new and bring it up, but he would look for it. I go up and there it is three piles of nice clean underwear exactly where its been stored for probably 40 years. Then the next week I stoled all his sheets and pillowcases. I went up and showed him 4 sets in one drawer and 4 sets under that drawer. He wondered why I was showing him where they were, he knew where they were. So keep the humor in this situation is all I can do. It is not going to get better, it is going to decline as the time goes on.
The neighbors keep a pretty good eye on him. He has the greatest neighbors ever. They call to tell me what they see/what he is doing/what he isn't doing. Which I am so thankful for, because I can be there 4 days in one week and not see that exact thing that I should know about.
Me and Kevin got our Concealed Carry Permit in Mar. Kevin bought me a S & W .380 Bodyguard for my birthday. Well I finally got to shoot it, and it has so much kick - he now owns the gun. I couldn't even hit the target. So now I am going to get a smaller caliber. The girl at Hardees calls me Vigilante Vicki.
We decided this year if we are going to be in this house a little longer we might as well get new windows. They were so drafty. So we got the triple paned ones and I absolutely wonder why we didn't do it sooner. Then we got to investigating the corner of the living room and really cold air was coming in. We took off the baseboard and there is a hole to the outside. So we took off all the baseboards on the outside walls and foam insulated them. What a huge change in the warmth of our floor downstairs. I am trying to get a new upstairs bathroom, but Kevin hasn't really broken down on that one yet. I will continue working on that. I watch to much HGTV for his liking.
This year we decided to buy a generator. I am hoping that just buying it is going to keep our electric on. We have had only one snow storm so far this year. The generator is not a huge one, but big enough to keep me warm and our fridge cold. That's all we need.
Jeff was here for two days. He is so funny and keeps us laughing. My dad even managed to get here for one of those days. We go to Hardees on Friday's to get my "elderly" fix. So I am hoping this will not be my last post for 2015.
As 2013 comes to an end and I'm home and snug as a bug in a rug for New Years Eve, I was thinking of a few things. This year we were able to go to West Virginia only 4 times. We were so blessed to have a guy that mows our lawn in WV and keeps it looking so good. This makes it so nice when we go down that we can concentrate on other things. This year, since we have all our land cleaned up, we started on my dad's land. We took my dad with us each time - and he enjoys it so much. When we started cleaning up his land - he really jumped in and worked hard, and surprised me and Kevin. He seemed to take a real interest in getting it done. This year we were also able to get the tractor running. My dad had a 1954 Ford NAA that had flat tires, a rusted gas tank, among other things wrong. So Kevin spent many hours and many $$$ and it runs again. My dad gave us the tractor about 3 years ago when he knew it was beyond his ability to fix up. Funny story though. Me and my dad went to WV by ourself. Kevin was working and was going to stay with my mom. Well my mom and Kevin had a really good time, and me and my dad got our job done in WV and came home a day early. I do believe that my mom was a little upset that we can home a day early - since her and Kevin were having such a good time. It was kind of cute.
This month was Jeff's Birthday (38 years old) and then there was Christmas. I must say I have never seen anyone more appreciative of a gift than him. He was able to come over and spend two days with us over Christmas. We played Canasta. A game that we hadn't played for years. When we lived in IL we had friends that we played this game with about every weekend till the early hours of the morning. Sometimes I would get on my jammies and we'd drive to their house, or Nancy would get on her jammies and they would drive to our house. We laughed so much and we were like sisters.
We painted and laid ceramic and carpet this year and that is one of my loves. Remodeling. We have seriously been looking for a ranch for way to long. I don't know if it will ever happen. I figure at our age and in our position we should find the perfect retirement home. We want to downsize, as we don't want to be a slave to our house anymore.
I have already taken down and put away all the Christmas decorations cause we had a couple really warm days to take down the outside lights. My mother always said "If you take down your tree before New Years Day - you will have bad luck". So that is something I always do NOW (leave up tree till "time to take it down", cause I do not need any bad luck.
I was talking to my nephew the other evening. I always said I was getting a tattoo for my mom. We were trying to come up with a design to "honor" my mother in ink. I did not get that accomplished yet - so that is one thing I will make a priority in 2014.
Kevin did some consulting work this year again. He has a good thing going with that. He still hasn't gained back any of the weight he lost and they still haven't found out why he lost it - or why he can't gain it back. (yea I'm going to outweigh him soon).
My dad has decided not to answer the phone to much anymore. He also says he forgets to get up some days. He told me yesterday at 3:30 pm - well I have to start getting ready to go to bed. I asked what time he goes to bed - he said 6:30. We were over there the other day and I noticed it was getting dark - and he kept looking at his watch about every 5 minutes. Now I guess he was worried about when we were leaving so he could get ready for bed.
We are having frigid temps on this last day of the year with lots of snow. I dread this long cold winter this year more than any. Must be my age. I am becoming more of a homebody it seems. I need to change this "attitude" soon.
I wish you all a Very Happy New Year!!!!
About 3 weeks ago I got really into researching Alzheimer's and all the signs and stages and signed up on a couple Alzheimers sites to get stories and help. Called a couple Organizations and a Social Worker. Well the biggest thing they stress is the caregiver and how they struggle and need to take care of themselves first. STRESS is supposed to be a silent killer. I was put on high blood pressure meds over the summer, so I figured its time to change some things.
So I declared that I would do TWO ME THINGS a week. Now those that know me, should know I am not a ME person at all. I am a hard worker, I hate shopping for ME, I hate talking about ME. So I wonder if I even know how to have a ME day - let alone do two ME things a week. So I started out small.
The first week, I dyed my hair and polished my nails. I only used the temporary 28 washings hair dye, I couldn't even commit to permanent hair dye. That would take up way to much of my time. Plus I am 59 years old - we will have grey hair - I prefer temporary cause it lets a little grey shine through. My mother was white haired at 37 I think. And when she stopped coloring her hair - it was so pretty just white.
Second week came along - what am I going to do this week? I went and got a hair cut and finished reading a book I started last November during deer season in WV. Now not even sure I can consider a haircut a ME thing since I faithfully get my haircut every 6 to 8 weeks.
Third week came along - things were coming easier to me. Got my eyebrows done, went to country music at senior center and a play at the Andrews Osbourne Academy uptown. So that turned out to be three ME things. Am I getting the hang of this?
But now the fourth week has come along and I am struggling to think of anything to do for myself. I cannot think of one thing to do for myself. So no I do not have the hang of it. Don't even know if I really have the jest of a ME day or thing to do. I feel as if I am calling everyday things - special ME things. I do not feel any less stressed.
I will end on the most embarrassing moment of my day......We were at Hardee's this morning - my dad had called me yesterday and said meet him there. Of course he forgot to come, but my ex is in town. So he shows up at Hardee's this morning and walks by us, then his brother told him he thought it was me. So he goes around again, comes up to me and says "hey there" and goes to shake my hand. I look at him and say "Do I know you?" I am still laughing not to recognize him. But in my defense he may be 10 months younger than me but looks 10 years older. LOL That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
This really has nothing to do with this house, just kind of a continuation of my last post. My dad is really my reason for this post. I NEED HELP!!!! He has no idea what he is doing, where he is to be, who has been to his house. He does not do anything at the house. Last week we spent two whole days cleaning his house from top to bottom. We spent two whole days roofing a shed. Not to count the 4 days we put into making doors and making it so critters could not get into it. If someone asks, did they finish the shed? he looks at me and says did you finish the shed? I am his enabler, and as much as I want to stop, I.Can.Not!!!!
My week went like this. Friday cleaned his house. Saturday met him at Hardees for breakfast. Sunday had him over for dinner. Monday went back and finished cleaning his house. Tuesday worked on his shed roof, had him for dinner and took him to country music at the Senior Center. Wednesday worked on his shed roof and took him to the Dr. Thursday had him for dinner and took him to the eye Dr. Friday just called and made sure was fine twice that day. And my weeks continue one right after another in the same way. I am exhausted. I can't sleep. I cry. It's all I can think of, is he okay, is he in trouble, does he need help?
Now my dad has a new thing. He has a gun safe - and that was the best place to keep his money. He had what he called Emergency Money in that safe to the tune of $3500. GONE!!! He kept it there for years and had it in a special box with envelopes labeled. It disappeared. He says he hid it. Then he gets more money and about $700 of that disappeared, he said he hid it. Then he gets more money and $800 of that disappeared, he said he hid it. Had a stack of $1, at least $150 that is now gone. So today I am very nervous as I am going over with the intent to change the money situation. I am going to suggest that I pay all the bills, keep gas in the truck and get whatever he needs and pay for it. Who knows if he is hiding it, or someone is borrowing it, (which I know who that would be, a friend that also has Alzheimers), or something else.
On my last post I said how I would like to move to WV or the country up here. I was asked "What would make me happy?" While allot of things would make me happy, in my heart, mind and soul I cannot go with what would make me happy. I feel as if I am totally responsible for my dad on my own. He needs guidance as a child needs guidance. He needs help as a child needs help. I am an enabler and I do not know how to stop. I started this post this morning, since then I have been to my dad's. We still can not find the $5,200 or whatever the exact amount is. The bank feels I should go to court and become his Fiduciary. But I don't want to start anything that may get the county or state involved in his life just yet. You never know what they will say or do.
If you are caring for a Alzheimers patient or have a sibling or relative that does all the caregiving, please take time to check in with them every now and then. Let them know you care about what is happening to your parent and they are not all alone in this endeavor.
If you have some free time, call the caregiver and see if there is anything they could use help with - like home improvements, etc. It's not always the caregiver and spouse's place to do everything.
Call the caregiver and offer to give them a "day off or two a week". I have to make contact with my dad everyday - whether by phone, meeting for breakfast, having him for dinner, or going to his house. I never let two days go by that I don't see him in person. But when you offer something - please follow up on it. Allot can happen in two days to an Alzheimers patient. Vacation at our house is not a possibility. I have only been to WV in over 2 years with my dad in tow every time. That is not a vacation. It is a workcation. I would love to go to Kentucky to the Corvette Museum, Hawaii for a week, South Carolina to drive a race car.
As I think of Christmas presents for my dad, I also have a couple ideas for Alzheimer's patients. My dad has found gift certificates from 2004 for Hardees. He really struggles with Gift certificates for anything now. But these certificates are 9 years old, and the lady at Hardees has been accepting them even though the expiration date is 2004. They need nothing really. But I spend allot of time with him and I listen to his "wants" and some are really a good idea. He does not go shopping at all. I buy almost everything he needs except he does go grocery shopping some, but he doesn't really cook. Like his trip to the grocery store this last time consisted of two packages of two different kinds of hot dogs. No buns and he only eats hot dogs with homemade chili on a bun. Two different kinds of cheese. He said he didn't know what kind the one was, but it sure was hot. One gallon of some juice drink. That's all I seen. It would take him forever to eat 16 hot dogs. He isn't that fond of them and neither am I.
I really don't know what I would do without Kevin's help. He is all the help I have. I know I get so upset sometimes about my dad and am crying others, but he helps me cope to the best of my ability. If I mention my dad needs help - he is the first to say let's go up. We have been working on our "getting ready for winter" projects. And today he said we need to go up and do your dad's leaves. I really think if you cannot do anything at your house - you should not be living in that house. Really we have 2 of our own houses to take care of (here and WV) and then we do everything at my dad's house. At least my dad used to do all the outside work, but now he doesn't even do that. How do you get him to move and realize the work he is putting on us. I think when my mother died we may of been able to get him to move with us, but others were against it. WHY???? I don't understand. Now I am left alone to deal with it on my own. No phone calls with offers of help or just letting me know they care or making sure I don't need any help. I am so saddened by the chain of events in this situation.
I used to tease my sister in law - that when my parents got old - she got my dad and I would get my mom. But I can still make my dad laugh and we get along great most of the time. We go to WV together, and he is so dependent on us I don't know how he survives on his own at home. We get a few chuckles at his expense, which laughing is so much better than crying. It's about deer season and that is all he talks about again. POOR KEVIN!!!!
So everyday I wonder, will something happen today to my dad to make the situation an emergency situation that he will have to get out of that house. Sometimes I find myself wishing it - not in a bad way - but in a safe way. Probably being selfish to make my life what I think would be easier.
When Kevin retired from the military we stayed in IL long enough for him to get his Bachelors and Masters Degrees. Then the Air Force said take your final move or lose it. We took a trip to WV and Ohio to see where we thought that last move would take us. We had always said when Kevin retired we would move to WV. But by the time we got ready to go - my parents were needing allot of help. As much as we wanted to move to WV, we chose Ohio to take care of their needs. My mom had been sick for years, and her health had been declining.
The AF packed us up, delivered some of our household goods to an apartment and some to storage. Then the job hunt was on for Kevin. He found a great job after two months and then we started house hunting. Joe (our Realtor) is the nicest guy you will ever meet. He took us to see about 50 houses. We had a few things we wanted in our "new" house. No steps, a front porch to hang a swing on, no cement slab and some land to put out a garden.
Well I seen this house one day just driving around looking for something that hasn't come across the listings Joe was sending me morning and night. I was in "love at first sight". So I call Joe and go see it, LOVE IT!!! Then bring Kevin and my parents over - they highly approved. So we put the contract in on a house that was nothing like we needed. It absolutely did not have one want and had the steps. BUT it had four bedrooms, which meant I could have a sewing room and a den and a guest bedroom. It had a two car attached and a one car attached garage. What more could I want?
The deck was huge and I loved it. Now I am totally over this house and the deck. When you are almost 60 (my son reminded me the other day at lunch that next March I could start drawing my IRA) you really don't need so much house to keep up. We did build on our front porch and I have a swing. We have a little lot, but I managed to convince Kevin to rototiller the back yard up and made a raised garden in part of it. We have been house hunting for a ranch so we can move one last time, but not really sure here is where we want that last house to be. I stay here to take care of my dad, but if he would go to WV, we'd be packing tomorrow. We own two houses in WV, across from one another. One is gutted just waiting to be a retirement home, the other we stay in when we go down.
I feel I am condo ready, but not sure I could live with someone directly on the other side of the wall. I was thinking maybe one of those 55 and over condo developments.
Then I think, Condo? I really don't like someone telling me every little move I can make. That is what I love about WV so much. You do mostly what you want, when you want, how you want. We have property in WV and I rented the house to this young girl once. She seemed so nice and had such a good line. Well she was behind on rent, and just kept saying "the check is the mail" and it never was. She worked all the time - so the money shouldn't of been a problem. Here in Ohio, it would take an act of Congress and lots of money and lots of time to get someone out of your rental. In WV, I wrote her a letter, told her I was coming down on this date and I would be staying in my house and she wouldn't be. And when I got there she was gone and she sent her boyfriends mother to talk to me. She still owes me $600 but in the long run, she paid all the heat for the winter for two winters, put down some gravel and a few other things, so even if she did tear up the house a little, I am still ahead.
Now after retiring again when he was 55 years old, Kevin has been asked to come back to work. He has sent them a compensation package he will need to go back and they replied, Thanks Kevin. I was expecting - Are You Kidding Me! So if he goes back to work again - we may stop looking for a house that is so far out in the country like we have been looking for and stay closer to his work. We live 11 miles away right now. I really like the contracting better.
When I go to my dad's, his neighbors have this need to tell me he should not be living alone. My question is how do you convince a very contrary man what would be the best for his well being? He fell off his bike about 2 months ago. He not only tore up his arm - but he must of landed on his hip. Finally last week, he decided it was time to go to the doctor. Well they say it isn't broke or chipped or cracked. Gave him pills to help with inflammation. He only needs to take one a day. But not sure he is taking them, and if he is, they are not helping. I forgot to count them last time I was up there. So tomorrow I am spending the day with him and I WILL COUNT THEM!!!! His biggest concern is going deer hunting. He says it will be hard to walk up to the woods. OMGoodness!!! Deer hunting.
Today Kevin said we should write down our choices and then the pro's and con's and just make a decision and do it. Our two choices are:
Stay in this house or move to the country.
Well this is very hard for me, I am so afraid of making the wrong decision. I have a hard time sleeping, to much on my mind.
I had written a post about Living with Alzheimer's. Well I thought I would follow that up with a few more stories. The forgetfulness is progressing more rapidly. And up until a few weeks ago I thought the driving was fine. But I was talking to Kevin on the cell, my dad was driving. We had been looking over at the river to see how high it was. He flew through the three way stop about 30 MPH turning left. Needless to say, I was shocked, scared, and ready to take the keys. I ride with my dad often to keep a check on his ability to drive and that was the first time I seen a huge issue with it. He says its cause we were trying to see the river and he didn't see the stop sign. The stop sign and river are far apart. I am totally for the driver license bureau making elderly take a driving test. They do it in some states already. I was in the drivers license bureau one day while an elderly man was getting his drivers license. The tester wanted him to read line 2 - he said HUH!!!! She said read line 2 - he said HUH!!!! She screamed READ LINE 2 - he proceeded and got it wrong. So she said read line 2 again and he said HUH!!!! So you get the picture, this went on for about 10 times. Honestly I think she just gave him the license to get him out of her line. I thought he should of had to go get a hearing aide first so he could he hear an emergency siren behind him.
One day my dad was coming over for dinner and when I called to make sure he was still coming, he was shoveling the snow. SHOVELING???? When he got here I asked why he didn't use the snow blower, he said "I couldn't find it". It has been in the garage as soon as you open the door since Kevin took it home fixed. I used it once and my dad used it 3 days ago. So now does that mean he doesn't know what a snow blower is? Or doesn't recognize it? We went over two days later and it was right where it always was.
My dad has a habit of cussing me out for the least little thing, even if it doesn't have anything to do with me - or if I even know what he is talking about. The last time was because I went to the Willoughby Senior Center one evening to listen to country music. Now mind you he didn't ever want to go to music. When my mother was living, she would want to go, but he wouldn't. So we would drive up there and pick her up and take her to music and then take her home. So why now is he so interested in country music? I may never go again. He hurt me so bad over that. But how am I to know he wanted to go? I don't think to ask him to go everywhere we go. I ask him to go allot of places, sometimes he goes, sometimes he doesn't.
Four days later he came over here crying and saying he was sorry and he loved us. You know I don't remember my dad ever saying I love you. Isn't that strange? But truly I don't. Usually I just ignore his rants cause I know it is the Alzheimers eating at his brain. I wait a couple days and call and go over and we both act like nothing ever happened. I act that way cause I don't want him dwelling on it and know he can't help it even though it hurts me deeply, and he acts that way cause he don't remember it.
He was sick and needed to go to the doctor. Supposedly he called for my brother to take him. I am and have been for years the one that takes him to the doctor. So not understanding today why my brother took him so sick to the doctor and didn't find the need to let me know. I would of went over and stayed the night with him and took care of him. Instead he stayed alone, throwing up and with diarrhea. Why the lack of communication when our dad needed help and no one there for him cause I didn't know? My sister in law thinks I didn't appreciate the "help". But what I didn't appreciate is that my dad was sick enough to feel he needed to go to the doctor, but no one thought I needed to know that information. I have been my dad's caretaker since all this Alzheimers started. I have taken him to every appointment. I know my dad well. I was with him on Thursday and he was fine. My brother was at his house on Friday and he was fine and they went out to dinner. So Sunday my dad calls my brother. Well by the time his appointment was on Monday, my brother took my dad to Bob Evans BEFORE the doctors appointment for "the flu". Really if you have the flu, you are not eating at Bob Evans, you would not be able to hardly make it to the doctor. Then my dad proceeds to say he hasn't ate in 6 days. Then I go up to my dad's and on his calendar he has sick written down on Thurs., Fri., Sat., and Sun. Now knowing that he was fine on Thursday and Friday, you need to pay attention to him. He don't remember anything, and sometimes he is very convincing when in all reality it was made up. So did he have the flu - NO. Did he have a one day stomach virus on Sunday - possibly. But on Monday he was fine and took up an appointment that someone else could of used all because I was not called.
I had told my dad when my mother died if he wasn't able to keep the house clean he would not be able to live there. So he had made allot of effort to keep it clean. So knowing he was "sick" and supposedly the house was a mess according to him, me and Kevin go up to give it a good cleaning. Well he does keep the house clean - in the living room and dining room. But I started in the back and while everything is totally picked up and put in its place, the dust was very thick. So we cleaned really good. And have another day of the kitchen, utility room and another bathroom. Then out to the garage. But we had a good time. I put chili together and took it up there and cooked it, my dad's job was to stir it. And he watched over that like it was a baby. Then he wanted to invite the neighborhood over for dinner. One neighbor left to go to work before he could invite him, and the other friend said he had his own chili. (He is 86 and I was sure he wouldn't come for dinner). But he was proud of that chili, I think mostly cause it was part deer meat.
For some reason a few weeks ago my dad was telling everyone we were in different countries, and he hasn't seen us for days. I am not a "world traveler", nor will I ever be. One week we were in Australia, and the next week he is convinced that we were in Brazil. I see or talk to him almost every day, and yet he will be so convincing at Hardee's that they would believe him. I was at his house and I needed a tablet to work on his income taxes. He said get the one off his desk. In big print he had "VICKI HAS HEATING PAD". I did not have his heating pad, I have my own. So I ask him why he wrote that, he said I can't find it so you had to of taken it. REALLY?!?!?!?! So I showed him right where he leaves it beside his chair when he is done using it. He said "it wasn't there when I was looking for it". So I told him I had it in Australia. He was happy with that answer.
My dad sprang his foot the end of May. After it was swollen for one week (that I knew of) he decided it was bad enough to go to the doctor. So he had no idea how he sprang it. After three days at the clinic they decided he should go to the emergency room. Well they right away said it was a sprang. And they sent a social worker down. Now all of a sudden he knew he sprang it in WV mowing the side of MY HILL!?!?!?!?! Now mind you he was never behind a mower the whole time we were in WV, but he just told "story after story" in the ER, and they didn't know it wasn't true and I'm tired of saying that's not true. Cause really it didn't matter how it happened, it was way after the fact and I had come to realize we would never find out how it happened - the truth anyway. So the social worker said "you are of sound mind today". NO HE WAS NOT!!!! He just told one "story" after another. No truth there - does that make you of sound mind cause you can give an answer to a question that isn't true. He sometimes is so convincing to people saying things that he just makes up so no one knows his mind is going fast. I hear it almost everyday - I seen your dad and he was doing really good - no sign of Alzheimer's today. When you are not with him allot like I am - you think he is fine. But when you see him once a year and say to me your dad was fine when I seen him last week, I just get so upset. I shouldn't - but I do. It seems as if Kevin and I (and my mother when she was alive) are the only ones that are not in denial and know exactly how much help he needs and has no business living alone. I will continue to try to help him as much as he will let us.
I had read about "senior bullying" in the newspaper one day. Now I have seen it up close and personal at Hardee's from this one senior that retired from TRW. There is a group of the retirees that meet there for breakfast. Bill B. is loud, obnoxious and rude. He knows everything about everything. ALWAYS sticks his nose in other people's business and has harassed me since I moved up here. He has ran off four guys from Hardee's that will not come back to be harassed. I mean, he says the meanest things. He needs to keep his nose out of our family business. My dad has Alzheimers and if he isn't making fun of my dad, he is telling him things he has no business. And my dad not really thinking straight, this is not a good situation. Bill thinks its funny, we find it out of line. We are my dad's caretakers and we do not need some senior bully making our life any harder. What do you do? I have another elderly friend that says he is going to take this guy out with one punch, and he could do it. But why do they only think violence. But in all reality, I thought about punching him out myself. But he is a BIG guy. But what do they say, the bigger they are the harder they fall. I do not understand why the manager does not go over there and ask him to either quiet down or leave. I'm sure they can hear.
I tell the other guys just cause you are 80 years plus that does not give you the right to be mean to people. The guys say that the reason he is mean to me is that when I go in all the guys stop listening to him and talk to me. Still no excuse.
This senior bullying is as bad as bullying in the schools. When your elderly you do not need someone saying mean things and arguing with you all the time. I always go to Hardee's to make the guys laugh. Bill B. goes to call them liars and put them down. All my dad says is, "he's an ass".
I use people like this as my "check" or better yet an example of what I want to make sure I am not. I am sure everyone has a day here or there, but with a bully it is everyday and constant. One of his high school classmates said he was the same in school. How sad to think he has been a bully his whole life.
I started this post about 2 months ago, and didn't know where to go with it. Since then Bill has stopped coming to Hardees after 20 plus years and the guys are so happy. There is not one person there that isn't happy he stopped coming. I think that is sad that someone is so disliked by his fellow workers. I find it sad that he didn't know how to act in a social setting. Is he a lonely man? Did he have a hard life and that is why he this way? Did he get picked on in school? Is it now that he is a big guy and allot older that he feels the need to give back what he got his whole life? It is so hard to tell, but I will always think if I say something mean - or tell people they are lying, or put my nose in others business - AM I ACTING LIKE BILL? If the answer is yes, I hope to immediately apologize and never do it again. If you see me being a bully - please call me on it immediately!!!!!
